All things in time
On my left arm, there is a tattoo that says “all things in time”. The words are displayed in banners around a pocket watch in the style of old fashioned tattoos. It’s my most visible tattoo and also the only tattoo I have that’s done in color. (If you’re curious, at the moment I have 8 tattoos).
The message behind the words is no secret – I believe that all things will come to me when I am destined to have them and not a second earlier. There are a few other layers, but that’s the lesson I’ve always struggled with in my life. I wanted something to remind me that it is true in my moments of doubt and despair.
People who don’t love tattoos always ask, why can’t you just remember that? Why do you need a tattoo of something you already know? Well, today is a perfect example of why.
Currently, I’m waiting to hear about two opportunities. One of those opportunities is realistic and may actually be offered to me. The other is something I want fiercely, but doesn’t look as promising. Both would mean a complete upheaval of the life I’m in right now – you’ll come to see that I thrive off upheaval. My family moved around a lot when I was a child and as a result, I enjoy experiencing new places (want proof? I’ve lived in 10 different places in 8 years). The difference now is that I have a steady job that I tried hard to get, I live in an apartment that I love, in a city where I have many established relationships with friends and family. As a result, I’m starting to experience some turmoil over what exactly it is that I want. This is completely uncharted territory for me.
On the one hand, I enjoy moving around, I would love learning a new industry, and I can always make new friends. But on the other hand, what if I keep running around the country and never really accomplish anything? That’s where my tattoo comes in, because having it there on my arm means it’s in my line of vision every time I go to check my email to will both places to contact me and offer me a job. Looking at it is like having your mom walk in the kitchen right before you were about to steal that cookie. You can’t do it anymore because you’re caught – your impulse stopped just long enough for your conscious to catch up and stop you. Or at least make you feel guilty for not listening. Engraving that ink into my skin forever means I can’t act irrationally or start winding myself up about how I’m not good enough without feeling completely illogical. That’s all I need.
Letting the process run its course is not something I’m perfect at yet, but I’m getting better. I know that worrying, thinking negative thoughts about myself, or just generally being a ball of anxiety will do more harm than good because I’ve seen proof of that in my own life. I guess what I’m trying to do with this post is to remind myself that even though I’m not perfect, I’m getting better. And that’s something to be proud of.
I’ll be back on Sunday.